ON FASHIONABLE DISTINCTIONS

The Lady’s Magazine January 1807 at 18-21

I have often wondered that nature should commit such a great oversight in not establishing proper distinctive marks for the various ranks of society. If things had been so arranged that all in a certain circle, our fashionables, for example, should be tall slender, handsome, and elegant, and that all those who were translated from an inferior sphere to this upper region should instantly acquire these qualities, there could be little difficulty in distinguishing a person of fashion from the vulgar. But unluckily nature has neglected to make any such provision. We have the short, the squat, the crooked, the clumsy, the awkward, and the boorish, even at Mrs. T’s—---- routs, and the countess of K—--- 's suppers. There is, indeed, a particular air which is said to distinguish those who move in a certain region, and to be altogether unattainable beyond its boundaries. Such, however, are the effects of imitation in the circles below, and such the unkindly nature of some of the materials which fashion has to work upon, that even the initiated are often unable to trace a brother fashionable by his air.

The members of the haut ton have, therefore, been obliged to supply the defects of nature by their own ingenuity; and hence arises the numerous refined contrivances which are daily invented, to separate the pure region of fashion from the gross atmosphere that hovers around it. Dress and equipage were formerly considerable badges of distinction; but the rich citizens, incited by a laudable ambition, soon broke through their old restraints of economy and deference to their betters; and Mrs. Flounder having transferred her residence from Cornhill to Cavendish-square, it was no longer possible to discover her origin, either from her jewels or her liveries. This barrier being thus broken down, an immense gap was left in the fences of the fashionable world, through which multitudes from Change-alley and even Pudding-lane are daily forcing an entrance.

Rich dresses were now given up: and it was resolved that the intruders, by being deprived of ornament, should be exposed to derision in their native vulgarity. A rapid succession of whimsical fashions, and something new for every day, now distinguished the ladies of the ton. The industrious directresses of the Magazines des Modes, however, rendered all these measures abortive: for the no-bodies were never above a day behind in their imitations and the very waiting-maids were apt to be mistaken for their mistresses. The ladies of the first fashion, indeed, some time since made a bold effort, in which they thought none of the little could have the assurance to follow then; and, in order to set all competition at defiance, actually appeared in public somewhat more than half naked. The enterprise, however, was not attended with that success which its boldness merited: for instantly the whole neck, arms, shoulders, and bosoms, in the kingdom were thrown open to the eye of the gazer. It is but yesterday that I cheapened a pair of gloves with a little damsel, who in point of nakedness, might have vied with any duchess in the land.

The male fashionables have indeed adopted a more vigorous mode of revenge, for the encroachments made upon their dignity in the way of dress. They have begun by direct acts of retaliation; and, as their valets and grooms had most impudently aspired to their dress and manners, they have in their turn, usurped the garb and habits of these gentlemen. It is not to be doubted that this vigorous measure will have its due effect; for a groom must be exceedingly mortified to find so little gratification to his vanity in rising to his master’s level.

But it is in their amusements that the fashionables have made the most strenuous efforts to preserve their circle inviolate; and their zeal has at length been rewarded with success. As long as the theatres, or Astley’s, or the Circus, or Sadler’s Wells, or, in short, any place which offers the least entertainment is to be found, there is no danger that the fashionables will be followed by the crowd to the Opera-house. There they may in perfect security enjoy their tete-a-tetes and their scandal, and perhaps listen at a few intervals to the queens and kings who are torturing their vocal organ in wonderful modes to draw down an inspiring bravo! Bravissimo!

Other methods of distinction have been devised with equal zeal and ingenuity. The fashionables, perceiving that the vulgar were contented to have the stage and orchestra filled with professional people, determined to make this a ground of distinction, and thence forward to play and fiddle for themselves, with the addition of a Pic-nic supper. The crowd, however, who were scrupulously shut out, could not endure that heroes and heroines should be stabbed and poisoned in the ordinary way without themselves having any part in the amusement. The hue and cry was therefore set up with such fury, that the fashionable were obliged to put an end to their mysteries lest they should be actually violated by profane hands. The other resource of amateur concerts, is by far more advisable, and will be found perfectly secure The crowd cannot be prevailed upon, even by their desire of appearing fashionable, to listen whole nights to the enchanting signora Squallunte uttering unknown words and unknown sounds; and surely it is far less to be apprehended that they will be seized with any irresistible inclination to drink up the melodies of Lady Louisa Thrum, and the honourable Mr. Hum.

To do justice to the taste and ingenuity of the great, there is something in all their pleasures which distinguishes them from those of the little. The form, indeed, is soon copied by the latter; and there are routs and card-parties found in every quarter, as idle and insipid as any in Portman-square. The little, however, on those occasions, pay some attention to the convenience of their guests, and make some calculation of the size of their rooms before they issue their cards. The great, on the contrary, invite all the world; and the hostess is rendered the happiest creature in the universe if there is not a single corner in her rooms where a living creature can sit, stand, or walk with comfort. A squeeze certainly formed a very agreeable variety amidst the languor of a rout; but since the accompaniment of hot suppers has been introduced, it has not been found altogether so pleasant. Every one has heard of the affair in _______ street, where two hundred fashionables were pent up in the corners of the supper room, and had nothing to do but to look on, and make wry faces, while their fellow guests made away with the chickens, and swept off the green pease without mercy. On talking of the affair to a young lady who was present, she said, with much emphasis, that she had seen all the delicacies of the season there.

Great revolutions may be expected to arise in the fashionable world from these circumstances; it is whispered that the ladies en bon point will be quickly out of all repute, and the price of vinegar and salad is in consequence about to experience an extravagant rise. A very fashionable lady, who has as much money as she can spend, and consequently many more guests than she can well accommodate, has devised a very pretty method of preventing inconvenience, by introducing a fresh supper and a fresh set of guests at certain intervals, till the whole have partaken of the pleasures of the supper-room. It is said that this lady, who has discovered such a tasteful method of prolonging a party, has resolved to improve still farther on the idea; and is to have such a crowd of fashionables, that the supper-rooms shall be replenished with new guests and delicacies every two hours and yet the entertainment extend through the whole four and twenty.

Such a plan is truly grand, and there is no danger of its being imitated by the little. It is only to be regretted that it must necessarily give rise to a number of eclipses. An eclipse in the fashionable world is a temporary obscurity in which those, who have no perennial mints in Lombard-street, find it convenient to shroud themselves. When all the old woods have disappeared, when tradespeople become importunate, and the Jews saucy, and when therefore it is no longer practicable to see one’s friends by hundreds, a fashionable retirement is the resource. The little in these circumstances would begin in retrench, and think of only having ten guests where they had twenty before. But this is out of all rule in the circle of fashion; one must never seem less than he has once been. It is, indeed, a very easy affair to disappear out of the fashionable world; as no one thinks more of the after, till the absentee find it convenient again to emerge in all their glory. Whoever thought of the charming Mrs. _______, during her last eclipse? And yet what parties are more frequented than hers, since she re-appeared? Her spirit, indeed, deserves the highest commemoration; for it is well known that she mortified two whole years in an old castle in order to enjoy her present blaze; and it is allowed her parties yield to none either in numbers or splendour, although the flash of this season must immediately be followed by another eclipse. Fashionable happiness is indeed something quite beyond the comprehension of the vulgar.

But of all the means by which the great set the little at a distance, there are none so effectual as trampling with contempt on certain restrictions, which the little are compelled to observe with reverence Those old crabbed fellows, the Laws, indeed, in this age and nation, are extremely unpropitious to the distinctions of high life; a lord and his tradesmen are quite on a level in Westminster-Hall, nor have the surly jurors civilisation enough to acquit a person on the plea of his being a man of fashion. But in spite of these untoward circumstances, there is still a sufficient degree of respect paid to morals and religion among the no-bodies to afford considerable distinction by breaking through all their restraints; and a man of high fashion may be profligate and profane far beyond what his inferiors can openly venture. The vulgar indeed advance with rapid strides in the footstep of their betters; they have also their affairs at Doctor’ Commons, their E.O table, and their Sunday gambols; but things must with them be done in as private a way as possible, for they know that the Society for the Suppression of Vice is every where at their heels.